i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
