Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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