I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
