A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
