I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
