i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
