Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
