Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
