So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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