So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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