Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
