She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
