Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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