I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
