How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
