Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
