I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
