i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
