I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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