I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
