i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
