Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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