I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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