I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
