he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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