I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
