I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
