I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I smell like Dick and happiness
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