4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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