You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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