you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
