I got her a Nickelback box set.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
