Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
