so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
