apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
