Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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