apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
