I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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