That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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