I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
