am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
