I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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