It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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