I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
