hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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