i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
