will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
