i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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