he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
