then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
