at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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