Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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