Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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