yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
