You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know her cup size but not her name....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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