New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
